One Month

     How is my baby one month old already?!

 It has gone by so, so fast.  It has been the best, hardest, happiest, tiredest month of my life.  Motherhood is hard.  You have it in your mind how you think your baby will be and how you'll be as a mother.  (Well at least I did.)  Newsflash, its not going to be as you thought.  I should've realized this when my labor and delivery went nothing like I imagined.
     Grayson's first appointment with his pediatrician was six days after he was born.  She was concerned about jaundice so every day for the next week, we had to go back for him to have his heel pricked.  We also had to go to the hospital for his PKU test (another heel prick) and to redo the hearing test, which he failed twice after he was born. (He passed the third time, and Bryant says he can now hear 100% of the time. Haha)  His bilirubin levels went down, but two weeks after he was born he still wasn't up to his birth weight.  I started supplementing formula every other feeding to see if that would help.  Here we are, a month after he's been born, and he still isn't back at his birth weight.  It breaks my heart; I feel like it's my fault. We are working to try a few different things to see if that'll help him gain weight and he's had an x-ray on his abdomen and will also have an ultrasound to see if there's anything going on inside of him that could be preventing him.
     Besides all of these problems, and going to the doctor so often, we still think he's pretty perfect.  He had a great first month meeting his grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and cousins and is looking forward to the next month when he gets to meet even more! He loves the "Rudy" soundtrack, his swing, and when Bryant sings him Hootie and the Blowfish.  I love watching those two together.  G makes the cutest grunts and noises, I never want to forget them.  Especially when he sneezes and then sighs afterwards.
     Even on the roughest of days, when I put him in to bed, I can't help but smile because one, he's so freaking cute (sorry, Karen!), and two, I still can't believe he's ours and I feel so blessed to be his mom.
   I love you, G! Here's to gaining weight in your second month of life.

 
 

A Baby Story

August 10, 2016
I go to my checkup as usual.  At this point I am 36 weeks, 4 days pregnant.  I've had a pretty good pregnancy, but at this point I am so uncomfortable and swollen.  At my appointment my doctor, Dr. Sauter, was concerned about my blood pressure.  The protein in my urine was also a little high so he was concerned that I might have preeclampsia.  Being pregnant for the first time and the naive girl that I am, I asked my doctor what happens if I do have preeclampsia.  He said, "Then you'll deliver tomorrow." I begin freaking out in my mind, I'm not ready at all!  My diaper bag that I had ordered hadn't even came yet and I wasn't finished washing and cleaning everything!  My doctor told me he was going to send me to the hospital for more testing because they can get the results back faster there.  I left his office, called Bryant to come home from work, and tried to get a hold of my mom.  (I couldn't... freaking out more at this point.)  I called Robyn crying because I might be having a baby tomorrow and have nothing ready, no hospital bag packed, etc.  She calmed me down and reassured me everything would be okay.  I met Bryant at home, packed a bag, and we headed to the hospital not knowing if we would be having a baby the next day or not.  Obviously all of the testing came back good, because I didn't have a baby on August 11.

August 17, 2016
One week later and I was back at the doctor's office for my checkup.  This time my blood pressure was even higher than last week.  There was no question now that my doctor wanted to induce me.  I thought this might be a possibility so I wasn't too shocked.  He called the hospital to see when they wanted me to come in.  He was thinking that night or the next morning.  They told me to come in right then!  I left the office, called Bryant again to come home from work, and got a hold of mom so she could drive down.  We were going to have a baby!!

One last bump pic!  37 weeks, 4 days.

12:00 p.m.:  I got all checked into the hospital.  They checked to see if I was dilated at all and at this point I was 1 cm dilated, 50% effaced.

1:00 p.m.:  They started me on Cervidil, a medicine that is supposed to soften my cervix.  This could potentially dilate me some more, it could not.  Now it's a waiting game for the next 12 hours.

1:00 p.m.-1:00 a.m.: Sit, be bored, eat some, drink some, watch movies and the Olympics.  I started getting some mild contractions, but nothing worse than cramps I haven't experienced before.  During this time Bryant's brother Brandon and our nephew Reggie stopped by and Brandon helped Bryant give me a blessing.  My cousin Allison and her husband Mike also stopped by.  It was nice to have some visitors and break up the time a little bit.

August 18, 2016
1:00 a.m.: Cervidil comes out, still only dilated to a 1.  They called my doctor to see if he wanted to start me on another cervix softener or just start Pitocin.  Sure enough, he said just to start Pitocin.

1:00 a.m. - 11:00 a.m.:  I don't remember much during this time, just the contractions getting gradually stronger.  They checked to see if I dilated more and sure enough, I was still only at a 1-2 cm.  At 11:00 they broke my water and it was awful.

11:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. :  Contractions are consistent and painful.  They won't give me an epidural until I am dilated to 3 - 4 cm so I'm basically dying this whole entire time.  They did give me a different pain medicine, but it only lasted about an hour or so.  Once it wore off, contractions started coming every minute or so.  I don't remember what time they checked me again, but I wanted an epidural so bad so I had them check me again and sure enough, I was still only a 1 - 2 cm.  At this point I had been in the hospital over 24 hours, and not progressing at all.  I was in so much pain and so discouraged because I wasn't progressing.  I thought I was never going to have him!  Bryant and I talked about it and I just couldn't imagine waiting another 8-12 hours to see if my body was going to progress anymore and not have anything happen.  We talked with the nurses and doctor and decided to have a c-section.  The c-section was scheduled for 7:30 that night which meant I could get an epidural!  I don't know why actually getting an epidural has a bad rap because compared to getting my water broken and the contractions, the epidural was a piece of cake.  Finally some relief!

4:00 p.m. - 6:45 p.m. :  I was finally able to relax and get some sleep . I don't think I got that much though because I was so anxious, excited, and nervous to finally see the end in sight!  My mom was also getting closer and closer so I was excited to see her.

6:45 p.m.:  My mom made it!  Bryant went down to get her and show her to my room.  They walk in as I'm brushing my teeth, but it wasn't just my mom.  My dad came too!  I was soooo surprised, I immediately started crying like a baby.  I was so happy to have them both there.

So surprised and happy!

6:45 - 7:30 p.m. : Last minute preparation for surgery and then they wheeled me down to the OR.  When I got there I was able to move by myself from my bed to the operating table.  I think this surprised my doctor so he had the anesthesiologist give me more medicine.  I don't know if they had started surgery or what was really going on on the other side of the blue cover, but I could still feel some.  At first it felt like 4 pinches/bee stings and then I could feel a little bit of slicing. (TMI, eek, sorry!) I said something to them again how I can still feel something.  The anesthesiologist put a mask on my face and the next thing I know is I'm being wheeled somewhere.  I feel like a small ant in a giant spinning room.

• • • • • • • • 

I realized that I am out of surgery, but sooooo out of it.  I couldn't open my eyes at all and just kept asking about the baby.  I'm pretty sure I asked at least 10 times how he was and how the surgery was. When I was somewhat able to open my eyes (everything was still so confusing and blurry) but this was the first thing I saw:

My boys! I have a son!

Grayson Alan Johansson, born August 18, 2016 at 7:54 p.m.  7 lbs, 5 oz.

My labor and delivery wasn't at all what I had imagined or expected, but I am happy to have had a safe delivery and a healthy baby.  The next day when my doctor came in he told me he thinks I was dreaming during surgery.  Guess I was making noises and stuff.  Hahah, so embarrassing!  Thank you all for your prayers, texts, well wishes, and congratulations.  I'm so blessed to be Grayson's mom and to be an eternal family with him and Bryant.  Bryant was my rock during all of it, I couldn't have done it without him.

My First Year Teaching

I've written, deleted, and rewritten this post like 10 times.  There is no possible way to put in to words how I am feeling.

I can't believe I only have 4 days left of school until I can say that my first year of teaching is over! *insert sad face here* I will be glad to have one year of teaching under my belt, but I am sooooo sad to leave my students, coworkers, and school.  I couldn't imagine my first year of teaching to go any better.  I know that a lot of people might say that their first year of teaching sucked, but I would never use that word to describe mine.  Yes, it was hard.  Yes, I was exhausted.  But I had a million more good days than bad days.

The best part was my students.  I looked forward to seeing them every day and missed them on the weekend.   They made my laugh every single day.  They made me feel better when I was feeling bad.  They were also very good at sucking up, hahaha.  I know that every student can succeed.  I also know that success doesn't mean the same thing for every student.

I feel so grateful and blessed for such a wonderful first year teaching.  I will always cherish and keep these memories close to my heart.

An Update on Life

Hi, everyone! I thought I would do a quick little update on life.  Things are still busy and crazy.  Bryant has now started his 2nd to last semester at BYU-Idaho.  As for me, I'm always busy with school.

The second week of school, we had a Teddy Bear Week.  The kids brought their bears and we did different activities with them.  They also left the teddy bear's over one night for a sleepover where some pretty crazy stuff happened ;) We had bears playing cards, playing on the computers, and getting in to my candy! We ended the week with a picnic outside with our teddy bears.  It was a lot of fun.

 Two weeks ago we went to Utah for our good friends, Jenna and Colton's wedding.

 I love them.  Plus it was special for me because it was the first sealing I've been able to attend since my own!

Our best friends + spouses + kids.  All of our parents grew up together in Long Beach and all of us have grown up together and now we're all getting married and having babies!

Last Friday, we went to the homecoming parade for the local high school.  The kids all loved it, it was a lot of fun.

A few notable moments:

1.  I had my first experience where I was realllllyyy really mad/upset/etc. at school.  And it wasn't even because of a student!  Last week, I was teaching a class (not my own) about our ears and hearing.  A paraprofessional who works one-on-one with a student in another class was in there helping him.  After my lesson, the kids were working independently on something and the para said, "Where did you get this lesson/information?" I'm like "Google...why?" She told me, "Well, if you're going to teach something, you need to teach it right." Um EXCCUUUSEEE ME?!!!? I was literally so shocked I didn't know what to say.  She then proceeded to tell me that she had taken anatomy 255, 256, and 257 in college and I was teaching the wrong information.  First off, I wasn't and second, these kids are in SECOND GRADE, not college anatomy.  I was sooo mad and you better believe that I talked to the principal about her.

2.  Overhearing one of my student's say, "Kyle, Morgan has a crush on you and I. I can't help it that I'm so cute."

3.  Having a student say to me, "Mrs. Johansson I need to go online so I can pick up something that my mom ordered."  Okay, Cody, you can go online ;)

I think that's about it for now.  Until next time.

Names of student's have been changed to protect their privacy.  Haha

Oh, I forgot one more thing.  The other day I had a 4th grade teacher come up to me and say "So apparently you told the kids something that really offended one of their moms." I'm like "Huh? What'd I say." She asked if I had an *Smith* boy in my class.  Yes.  She told me, "Well I have his sister and she told me that you said when the kids are misbehaving they are doing "Satan's chores." HAHAHAHAHAH my job literally dropped.  I'm like uh no, I've never said that in my life.  The other teacher was like "Yeaaahhh, I didn't think so.  I'm going to talk to her again and get some more information from her about it."  So she went back and talked to the girl and she was confused.  Apparently it was her little SISTER'S teacher who said that, not me.  Hahaha, (no teacher would ever say that.)  I can't even say that without busting up laughing.  

My First "Week" of School

I say "week" because it was only 3 days long.  And I'm glad it was.  It was exhausting, stressful, overwhelming, fun and everything in between.

I have a class of 12 busy little boys, and 5 chatty little girls.  They are so cute and make me laugh.  I also have a little boy in my class who has down syndrome.  He is adorable and melts my heart when he says "Mrs. Johansson!" I know it's going to be very challenging, but I know I am going to learn so much from him. I'm so excited to work with him.

Every day after recess I get a pile of weeds, haha.

And lots of sweet notes.

 Thursday night was rough.  I was feeling discouraged and inadequate...especially compared to the other teachers who have taught 20+ years.  Teaching is hard. So, so hard.  But I love it and I'm so glad I picked this career choice.  

Stay tuned for the rest of the year...I'm sure I'll have lots of fun stories to tell :)

Is this thing on?

     Hi, hello. Is anyone out there? If this blog has proven anything, it is that much like writing in my actual journal, I also suck at blogging.  So here's to me saying I'll try to be better...again.
   

The Story of Us

One year ago tonight, on November 6, 2012, Bryant ask me to marry him.

Best and easiest decision I've ever made.

For a little throwback, I will now tell you the story of us.

Bryant and I first met in the Fall of 2011.  We were in the same ward but never talked to each other.  We used to walk by each other on the way to and from school literally every day.
It was that awkward I-kind-of-know-of-you-since-we're-in-the-same-ward-but-have-never-talked-to-you-try-not-to-make-eye-contact kind of pass by.
In December of 2012, my roommate decided to add him on Facebook.  He accepted, thinking it was me because I was in her profile picture and since we had seen each other every day.  Much to his surprise, when he came over to meet "me", it wasn't me haha.
Anyways, we got to know each other a little bit that last month of school.  We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways for the Winter, when we were both off track.
We only talked a few times during the Winter.  Mostly about the Lakers.
In April 2012, we both got back up to school for the Spring Semester.  Once again, we passed by each other on the way to/from school.  Only this time it was a lot less awkward and we actually talked.
A few days later, he texted me (about the Lakers of course, haha) and we haven't stopped talking since then.
Bryant asked me to be his girlfriend on June 4, 2012.
5 months later on November 6 we were engaged.
5 months after that we sealed the deal on April 13, 2013 in the Newport Beach LDS Temple.

Can't wait to see how the rest of our story plays out!